Translation
Turn your eyes from me;
they overwhelm me.
Go to footnote numberYour hair is like
a flock of goats
descending from Mount GILEAD.
Go to footnote numberParaphrase
You know almost everything there is to know about me;
such vulnerability frightens me.
The most ordinary part of you is as important as any aspect of our livelihood, it is a
fruitful and beautiful WITNESS.
Footnotes
1: “they overwhelm me”
The word used here is a strong word meaning “to overcome.” It also means things like, “to act proudly or boisterously, to confuse, to capture, to be stormy, or to frighten.”
Implications for marriage: Even in healthy marriages there is an uneasiness about vulnerability. Men especially feel uncomfortable about being what they might consider too vulnerable. If you are a wife, don’t push your husband to be more vulnerable, don’t dig deeper when he puts on the brakes, rather win his confidence and trust by never misusing the information you know about him. When you have won a deeper level of his trust, he will be more willing to open up to you a little more and peal back the next layer of his soul.
2
The text only says “Gilead,” which could refer either to the region of Gilead, or the mountains of Gilead, and there is much overlap between the two. The mention of “descending” informs the reader that “mount Gilead” is the intended meaning. Gilead means “witness.” In this case it is a witness or testimony to who she is.
Your Hair Is Like a Flock of Goats
This is a simple, yet powerful truth that a wife needs to hear from her husband often—that he cherishes and treasures every part of who she is, even the ordinary, small or insignificant things. If he shows appreciation for every aspect of who she is, she will have no reason to be insecure in the relationship. As men we tend to think we shouldn’t need to reassure her so often, but we are wrong. An extreme example would be a man who thinks or says this: “I told ya when we married that I was committed to ya, if anything changes, I’ll let ya know.” We may not be that extreme, but we often fail to realize that our wives need constant reassurance that the relationship is strong. This Solomon guy was smarter than we thought! He not only told her that the small things were important to him, but that they were just as important as any of the big stuff associated with his role as provider, as important as their very livelihood.
The other side of the coin, guys, is this: we can’t just say it, we need to show it. In the end, it accomplishes nothing for a man to tell his wife that everything about her is more important that the big stuff in his life, if he spends all his time working and is never home. His natural tendency is to focus on his role of providing. She is seeking security on many levels, financial security is only one of them, and there are things that she needs far more than money. Most women do not want financial security at the expense of all their other needs. I cannot count how many times I have counseled with couples in marital crisis and one of the “big ones” for the wife is that hubby is “never home.” I understand that making a living is tough, and I understand a man’s desire to do all he can to provide, but husbands need to realize that the complex and challenging role God has given us includes tasks and responsibilities in several areas, not just putting food on the table and paying the bills. For some guys working long hours is an avoidance mechanism; they say to themselves, “I’m not very good at providing emotional stability, or being a listening ear, or providing comfort and encouragement, but I know how to work, so I’ll just focus on working.” That may be true, but we need to be willing to learn and grow in the aspects of marriage in which we are weak.
O frustrated and lonely wife, give your husband room to grow in the areas that are new, strange or uncomfortable for him. Praise his small efforts to improve, and thank him when he sets other things aside to just be there with you.