Proverbs31:12

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Translation

She deals with him bountifully

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[and with] pleasantness

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not disagreeableness all the days of her life.  (See comment below)

Paraphrase

She rewards him with pleasant and beautiful attitudes, not disagreeable or adversarial attitudes, till the end of her life.  (See comment below.)

Footnotes

1

This word has three major uses: “to deal with adequately or bountifully,” “to wean,” “to ripen.” All of them have a sense of completion to them. I have chosen “she rewards” in my paraphrase because it best depicts what is intended here.

2: "pleasantness":

The Hebrew sentence structure employed here calls for “pleasantness” to be the direct object of the verb; it should answer the question “what?” That is why some versions render this part of the verse as “she does him good.” She does him what?  Good.  While that keeps the structure of the verse intact, it totally fails to convey the strength of the verb “to deal with bountifully.” If we seek to retain the force of the Hebrew verb, we must add a preposition such as “with” or “for” that is not in the original. Therefore, I consider it impossible to render this statement literally; it is like pounding a square peg into a round hole. English and Hebrew are different enough that, whichever option is chosen, changes something from the original. The English versions of the Bible are split on how to present this verb and direct object.

Be His Biggest Cheerleader

It is very important for a woman to remain positive in the way she communicates with her husband. A man usually knows when he has blown it and he doesn’t need his wife to point it out to him. A man is very sensitive about anything that is considered a failure, so he is already beating himself up about it, he doesn’t need her to beat on him too.

She is not argumentative, manipulative, conniving or capricious. If her husband is unkind to her in some way, she does not keep “the crazy cycle” (as Emerson Eggerichs calls it) going, rather she rewards all of his actions with good and beneficial actions.

Men consider anything that is negative or critical as nagging. A wife’s role is not intended to be Chief Critic, but rather Head Cheerleader (no, not someone dressed in a short skirt waving pompoms, but someone shouting encouragement and recognizing accomplishments).

My wife has learned that, if she tells me ahead of time that she has something she needs to say to me that may be difficult for me to hear and that she is not sure how to communicate it, I always tell her to go ahead and say it. By starting that way she has disarmed by reaction mechanism and I understand that she is doing it lovingly and respectfully, therefore I accept it without bristling or getting defensive.