1 Timothy2:12

The word used here is “calmness;” it is the same word used earlier. Its primary emphases seem to be 1) an inner tranquility which supports appropriate action (from help ministries), 2) one who stays at home doing his own work, and does not meddle in the affairs of others (Thayer’s), 3) stillness, meaning to desist from bustle or language (Strong’s). We see from these three sources that silence (to desist from using language) is a possibility, but for the most part the emphasis is on an attitude of inner calmness or stillness which does not step outside of proper bounds. To translate this as “silence” takes an outlier and makes it the main focus.

Based on what I consider to be a poor translation choice (“silence”), some Christian leaders of the past have permitted no speech of any kind from women during a time of worship, and have limited them to singing (which is actually not silence). In my opinion, rendering the word as “silence” is unfortunate because it places the emphasis on sound, or lack thereof. Paul’s word here, “calmness,” places the emphasis on attitude. It does not mean that she absolutely cannot say a word, but that she cannot take over the meeting, cannot usurp authority over her husband or other men in the group, but rather must have an attitude of tranquil submission.

The idea behind the exhortation to calmness is that when a woman begins to assert authority over a man it creates the opposite of calm. She gets exercised in the endeavor, and the man gets exercised in defending his authority. Neither one can calmly go about their business if she is trying to exert authority over him. You may know of couples where the wife does indeed “rule the roost” and her husband seems okay with it. In reality, I think he is not okay with it, but going along with her and keeping her happy is better than trying to fight her and suffering her wrath, her emotional outbursts, her manipulation, or whatever other tools she may use. He has learned early in their marriage that he will likely be forced to give in at the end anyway, so it is best to just keep quiet. Being calm as it relates to the authority issue seems to be different. Silence focuses on not making sound, calmness focuses on the proper attitude of heart and mind. The latter is harder to measure, but it fits biblical teaching better.

However, there is a connection between calmness and being quiet in that the opposite of calmness is usually expressed through words in order to make happen what the woman wants to happen. If a woman experiences insecurity in her marriage or some other aspect of her life, her tendency is to try to control the outcome of things in order to lessen her sense of insecurity. To make things happen in a marriage setting she will come at her husband with a flood of words in order to persuade him that they need to do something differently. This response to insecurity is a natural human response, but in the marriage relationships, it is the opposite of what God desires a wife to do.

The word “authority” in Greek is a compound word made up of the word “auto/self” and the word “work or do.” It is a picture of someone who works or does things of his own initiative and without any authority figure over him. He is in charge of himself, and no one tells him what to do. However, none of us are ever able to work or act without answering to someone else. The husband is under God’s authority, he cannot act on his own as if no one can tell him what to do. In this passage, the word “authority” may mean what it normally means – authority within a greater line of authority, or it may go back to its root meaning, indicating that the woman cannot act as if she has no one over her; she cannot do whatever she pleases. I think Paul would say that if a woman acts outside the authority of her husband, whom God has placed over her, then she is also acting outside of God’s authority. By rejecting her husband’s authority, she is rejecting God’s authority and acting totally on her own, which is not a healthy thing for anyone to do.

But don’t men sometimes abuse their position of authority? Yes, they sometimes do. However, whenever they do so, they are acting outside of God’s authority because men have been specifically commanded to love their wives just like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her (Eph 5:25). The man is not free to do whatever he wants with the authority he has been given; he must exercise it in the way God has prescribed, which is by putting others first. When we fail to follow the system God has established and then things get ugly, we should not say God was wrong to set things up that way, nor throw out the system and search for another one. It was our fault for not following what God established. Here is an example. If we use a tool such as a power saw, a lawnmower, a drill, a kitchen knife, a microwave oven, etc. in a way that it was not designed to function and then it damages something or injures us, we cannot blame the manufacturer of that tool because we are at fault for having used it incorrectly.

So the issue is authority, and the big one is teaching.

Paul’s discussion here is specific to a house-church setting in which the family is the key structural unit; it is not intended to address society in general.

What does “nor exercise authority over a man” mean?

1. It means not making decisions for him. Thus, in a gathering of a house-church, a man should be the facilitator of the meeting. Men should be the ones to make the decisions about the use of money, but women may give their suggestions. In other areas of life, such as the home, it likewise means that the wife should allow the husband to make the big decisions which set the direction their family is moving in. They should function as a team, meaning that he should ask her opinion, and they should work together to achieve the goal. As captain of the team, he should make the final call, and she should respect his decision.

There is a story which says that, long ago, a king sent his servants to inquire at each home of his kingdom regarding who was acting as the head of the household. If the family agreed that the father was the head of the home, the king’s servants were instructed to give the family a horse as a gift from the king; if they indicated that mom ran the show, the king’s servants were instructed to give the family a goose as a gift from the king. At one home the family agreed that the father was the head of the home, so the king’s servants gave the family a horse. It happened to be a brown horse. As the servants began to leave, one of the children ran after them and said, “Mommy says she wants a white horse.” So the king’s servants returned and exchanged the brown horse for a white goose.

In more recent times, one man said, “I make the big decisions and my wife makes the small decisions. In 25 years of marriage I haven’t made one decision yet.” That does not sound like teamwork to me.

Most of us have seen examples of both extremes. We have seen men who treat their wives like doormats to wipe their feet on, or like sex slaves, or household servants. That is NOT what God had in mind, and those men will face some type of consequence for it. We have also seen marriages where the husband is a little puppet, unable to do or say much because the wife makes all the calls and always gets her way. This is not what God had in mind either. We have also seen less extreme versions of the problems described above. A perfect balance is hard to find, but we should strive for the kind of balance the Bible describes, not just what we envision or what our culture says is the right balance.

2. It means not being respectful of her husband. Part of respecting the husband, and part of the couple functioning as a team, is that the father represents the family during a time of sharing in the house-church gather.

Apart from the context of a house-church meeting, the principles of love and respect should permeate every aspect of a marriage relationship. Emmerson Eggeriches has done an excellent job of teaching that a man should love his wife and a wife should respect her husband. The Bible consistently commands us to function in those ways. Here is a link to Emmerson’s web site which offers lots of excellent resources: https://www.loveandrespect.com/.

In the house-church setting of the New Testament, the role of a teacher was for very specific situations, and, unlike our weekly sermons, was not seen every week. It was usually a word of exhortation or a teaching in the form of a biblically based warning which was pertinent to what was going on in their group or their culture. We can be clear that it should be a man that gives this teaching.

Can we teach through sharing? Yes, I have often heard a sermon when someone gives a testimony. Were women allowed to share a testimony of what God had done or a prayer request in their meetings? We cannot be sure, but I think they were since the emphasis on this passage is on the attitude (calmness) not whether any sound was coming out of a woman’s mouth.

Whenever I have heard a sermon in a testimony, was it that person’s intent to sermonize? Usually not, but the Holy Spirit loves to use personal stories to impact others.

So should a house-church allow women, children and youth to share what they have learned in scripture and in life? Yes, in the small meetings of extended family and a few others, if done with the right attitude.

And should a house-church allow women, children and youth to respond to what they hear? Yes, in the small meetings of extended family and a few others, if done with the right attitude.