Strange Story: Why Did Abraham Ask Sarah to Say She Was His Sister?

There were two times (Gen 12 and Gen 20) when Abram/Abraham wanted his wife to say she was his sister so that he would not get killed if a powerful ruler wanted to take his wife for himself. She was his half-sister, but this was still a deception because it implied that she was not his wife. In order to pull this off, Saria probably had to change the inner part of her head covering because there was a difference in the head covering of a married woman and one that was eligible for marriage. Even though Genesis says that Abram asked her to “say” she was his sister, she actually did not need to say anything with words, the head piece spoke for itself. Therefore it would be best to translate that part of Gen 12:13 as, “Communicate that you are my sister.” This change of head covering would make people think that she was a widow and had gone to live with her brother for protection. This would make her eligible for a marriage. In both cases Sarai/Sarah was indeed taken to the palace of the king, so Abram/Abraham was partially right. But he was wrong to even go to those dangerous places in the first place.

In Genesis 12 Abram left for Egypt because of a famine. He was probably concerned for Lot and all the servants and others that were with him, although this would not have been as large a number as it was later. From Genesis 13:1 we learn that Lot had gone with him to Egypt, so we can assume that everyone else Abram was responsible for went with him as well. However, he was not instructed by God do this. So, in reality, he should not have gone to Egypt at all, but should have trusted God to provide food for his family and all his servants even in the midst of a famine. It appears that he acted out of fear rather than faith. His journey to Egypt started out because of fear and the way he treated his wife while there was also characterized by fear. Yes, the Egyptians were evil, and their king or Pharaoh was powerful, but if Abram had stayed where God had placed him, he would not have been in this situation at all. He had exchanged one danger for a different one, and he was trying to face it with his own human ingenuity rather than trust in God.

Abram’s perception of the dangerous situation was probably correct. If the Pharaoh wanted Sarai as his wife, he would get her one way or another. Abram’s decision informs us that an ungodly ruler of ancient times would not resort to taking another man’s wife; he would usually refuse to violate that man’s authority over his own household. The ruler probably felt that he needed the authority structures of his society to stay in place, so he would not do something to diminish them. However, if he really wanted a woman, that ruler was not beyond having her husband killed so that she would no longer be married, and he could take her. What an irony! Such rulers could be trusted to respect a man’s marriage, but not trusted to respect a man’s life!

The real problem was not that he asked his wife to communicate to others that she was his sister, but that he chose to move to a place filled with many dangers from wicked people. It was wrong because God had not told him to go there and thus, he could not be sure of God’s protection. That is why he tried to mastermind his own protection, but he had to make a huge compromise in the process. The part that we cringe at, having Sarah pretend to be his sister, is really only the tip of the iceberg.

What made Saria attractive?

The Hebrew word used in Gen 12:11 can mean “fair, beautiful, pleasant, fitting, goodly.” In situations like this I like to use the English word “desirable” because it leaves open what the cause of that desirability would be. Someone could be desirable for a number of reasons. Remember that, unlike Egyptian women, she was probably covered up except for her hands and her eyes. So she must have had very nice eyes. It is also likely that her skin looked different than the skin tone of most of the women in Egypt. Also, she may have moved with more grace and ease than most women her age. Besides that, she probably had an air of confidence and poise that was rare. This would have been unexpected for a woman that was a widow, as Pharaoh probably thought she was.

The text is not clear as to whether the Pharaoh had sex with Sarai or not. However, we are told that Pharaoh gave Abram many gifts of livestock and servants. The most logical reason for the gifts were due to the fact that Pharaoh thought that Abram had been caring for his widowed sister and so he arranged with Abram to marry her properly. Abram must have continued the ruse and agreed to this. The extent and value of the bride price reflected two things – that Abram was a man of reasonable means, although nothing close to that of a king, and also that the Pharaoh was quite taken with Sarai (only to find out later that he had been deceived). From this it would appear that Pharaoh did indeed take Sarai as a full-fledged wife. 

We are also told that the Pharaoh and his household became seriously ill and somehow they figured out that it was on account of Sarai’s presence. So Pharaoh sent Abram away with much greater wealth than he had when he arrived in Egypt. In this case Abram was protected from being killed and he became more wealthy in the process, but he had failed to fulfill his responsibility to protect his wife, and he had traded his honor for disgrace. So it appears that God kept this from turning into a worst-case scenario, but it was still an ugly situation that was totally unnecessary if Abram had stayed in Canaan and trusted God for provision.

The second instance happened in chapter 20 of Genesis, so his name was now Abraham and his wife’s name will now be Sarah. He went down to the Negev and for a while he lived in a city called Gerar where there was a king named Abimelech. We are not told why he went there or if it was a good idea or bad idea. However, it is evident that he had no confidence in the uprightness of this king or his people, so he told Sarah to once again say she was his sister. Why did he go there if he thought those people could not be trusted? Although we cannot be sure, it appears that once again, Abraham was not acting in faith, nor was he acting in obedience to God’s clear instructions.

It appears that Abraham was partially wrong about the level of corruption in King Abimelech.

We see God communicating with King Abimelech and the king communicating with God. Although the king did take another wife just because he wanted her, he did so in complete innocence, which allowed him to plead his case before God. However, after God made clear to him what the situation was, he would die if he continued on this course.

But this case appears to be different than the Egypt situation because it is clearly stated in the text that God kept Sarah from sexual harm. The similarities are all on Abraham’s part – a lack of faith, moving from a safe place to a place full of evil people, and jeopardizing his wife’s wellbeing for his own wellbeing.

The reason these two stories are in the Bible are the lessons we can learn from them.

1. Even men of faith sometimes choose to doubt. Abraham is described in the Bible as the example of faith. Paul says it this way, “and THE FATHER OF MANY believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness” (Rom. 4:3). Yet even this man of great faith, who moved from his own country to an unknown land, had a few instances when he slipped and did not live by faith. It reminds me of the father of a demon-possessed child who said to Jesus, “I do believe, help my unbelief.” We can all receive encouragement from the realization that all of us will likely struggle with doubts at some point and we will occasionally make choices which are not based on faith in God. None of us live an entire life of faith, rather we live with moments of faith. With God’s help we can make those moments of faith become more and more prominent in our lives and be what others remembers us for.

2. If a choice or option causes us to forsake one of our primary responsibilities, such as to our family, it is the wrong choice. Our primary responsibilities should be in this order, God, spouse, children, then other people and other responsibilities. God does not ask us to do something that will violate this list of priorities.

3. There are times we need to simply trust God and hang in there instead of inventing clever fixes of our own.