Strange Story: The Birth of Jesus Part 4 Dilemmas

Things did not go well when “The Rebellious One” told her parents that she was pregnant. Her father did not want to hear any excuses or explanations. He knew what had happened; it didn’t take a special education to figure that out. He fumed and stammered for several minutes while pacing. Finally he found his voice and shouted, “Do you realize the degree of shame you have brought to this household? Do you want to be stoned? What were you thinking? You obviously weren’t thinking. You are just like your name, you are ‘Rebellious.’ But we did not want you to be rebellious against God, only against the Romans. And this trip to visit your cousin, it was only an attempt to avoid the consequences of your actions. Because of one bad choice on your part, my name and yours have been soiled forever!” Then he stormed out of the house and “The Rebellious One” was left alone with her mother.

She decided to see if her mom would be willing to listen to her explanation. “Mamma, please listen to me. I have something important to tell you.”

Her mom replied, “I don’t see any way that an explanation will change anything, but I will listen.”

Then she told her mom about the angel and about her cousin’s miraculous pregnancy and that her own pregnancy was not due to any sexual involvement with any man.

Her mom harrumphed and scowled. She was obviously disappointed. She held up her hand for her daughter to stop. It was her turn as the mother to speak her mind. “My child, if you want to make up excuses, at least make it a good one. How can you expect me to believe that you got pregnant but there was no man involved? Tell me, do you think it is a common thing for God to go around getting girls pregnant? Can you show me one example from our Scriptures of this happening in the past? Your attempt at an explanation makes me even more disappointed in you. We raised you better than this and look what you have done. Look at all the damage you have caused us.”

Then “The Rebellious One” forced herself to tell “The One who Is Increasing” that she was pregnant. As soon as he heard the word “pregnant” his head went down but he did not say anything. As she explained to him about the angel, he took a deep breath, exhaled loudly and closed his eyes, but he said nothing. After she was done there was a long pause, then he motioned with his hand for her to leave. The entire time he had not said one word. His silence hurt her even more than her father’s furious explosion.

Now all she could do was wait for his decision. She knew that without God’s intervention, the chances of getting through this alive were very slim.

How close did “The Rebellious One” come to getting stoned?

The fact that she turned up pregnant meant one of two things in the minds of the people, either she had been promiscuous with another man, or had engaged in sexual intercourse with her betrothed prior to their wedding.

Deuteronomy 22:20-21 says that, if a husband discovered on their wedding night that the girl he married was not a virgin, and if she could not prove her virginity, she would be stoned in front of her parent’s house. (For the issue of proof of virginity see my lesson called Why Did Some Sexual Acts Receive the Death Penalty?

The situation in this specific story involved a betrothed girl who got pregnant, so it was assumed that she had engaged in sexual intercourse with someone, right? Because she was betrothed (engaged to be married), having sex with another man was considered adultery which was punishable by death. If the betrothed husband formally accused her of having sexual relations with another man, and if he could convince the town fathers acting as judges that his accusation was valid, she would be stoned. If the man who got her pregnant could be identified in a way that would convince the town fathers, he would be stoned along with the girl. If the other man could not be identified and if the town fathers were convinced it was not the betrothed husband who got her pregnant, the girl would be stoned by herself – in front of her parent’s house!

As this situation developed, Mary was well aware that she might be stoned. Yet it appears that she trusted God to protect her, and He did.

(You can read much more about these issues under Troublesome Topics starting with What Made Sexual Sins Wrong? and continuing from there to other related topics.)

What was the Procedure for Stoning Someone?

The procedure for stoning was this: First the charges of wrongdoing and the evidence of the act were brought before the proper leaders of the community, and the opportunity of giving a defense was also granted. Witnesses were called as well, for the law required two or more witnesses. However, some things were so private as to have no eye witnesses thus other evidence was considered. If the city leaders determined the party was guilty, and if the Law called for the consequence to be stoning, then off they all went to make that happen. It was immediate. There was no jail time involved.

To carry out a stoning they would usually take the guilty party to the edge of a cliff, bind him (or her,) throw him over the cliff and then each one who was making the accusation, and those convinced of his guilt, would get one chance to throw a stone. The stone could be of any size, but only one was allowed per person. If the thrower missed, he missed, no second chance was given. If the person being stoned lived through it, he lived; if he died, he died.

In the case of a bride who was found to not be a virgin, she was stoned in front of her father’s house, with the husband being the one to bring the accusation and cast the first stone. Members of the community who were convinced by the evidence also cast stones upon her. The location was intended to bring great shame to the father for not protecting his daughter properly while under his authority. If she lived, she would stay in her father’s house the rest of her life, living in disgrace, with a very unhappy father whom she had caused to suffer unspeakable shame.

Meanwhile “The One who Is Increasing” had some serious thinking to do. He knew what his options were, and he didn’t like any of them.

What Were Joseph’s Options

Short answer: 1) Divorce her publicly (with formal accusations), 2) Divorce her quietly (no accusations), 3) Marry her.

Detailed answer:

His first option was to accuse her of sexual misconduct with another man. Because the betrothed man was already called her husband, her sexual deviance was considered adultery, which would result in both the offenders being stoned, if they could determine who the other man was (Dt 22:22). If she had sexual relations with another man, it was a violation of the “husband’s” authority, therefore he and his father would be in charge of finding evidence to prove it was another man, and present that evidence to the town fathers. If they could lay hands on the girl when she was not guarded by her father, they would likely use any means possible (think torture) to get the truth from her. Then her betrothed husband, acting as the accuser and first witness, would be the first one to throw a stone at each of them. In this scenario, the girl’s father would be seen as the one to violate the betrothal agreement because he did not protect her from other men, therefore, the bride price would have to be returned to the betrothed husband’s father who could use it to secure a different wife for his son.

But if they could not find out who the man was, the community would still stone the girl – I think it was done in front of her parents’ house in order to show that the father had not done a good job of training and protecting his daughter (Dt 22:20-21). No one could remove the pile of stones from in front of the parents’ house without becoming defiled by proximity to a dead body.

The preference of the girl’s father would be to prove that it was the betrothed husband who had gotten her pregnant and convince him to follow through with marrying her. If he could prove this, he would not have to return the bride price and his daughter would not be stone. He would suffer some shame, but the betrothed husband would suffer more. Therefore he would be looking for evidence of this very thing which would be convincing to the city fathers.

Thus two investigations would be going on simultaneously if the betrothed husband accused her of having sex with another man.

But “The One who Is Increasing” had no stomach for this. He never dreamed that “The Rebellious One” would actually be that rebellious and do such a thing. She had never shown any hints of being that kind of girl. There had always been something special about her, or so he thought. He did not want to see her killed and he definitely did not want to take the lead in making that happen. Plus he had no “evidence” he could present of another man in the picture and did not know of any witnesses that could bolster his case. So he put that option out of his mind as unacceptable.

His second option was to divorce her “quietly” meaning without public accusations or formal charges. It would be assumed by many that the young man’s silence in the matter meant that he had gotten her pregnant.

Even if the betrothed husband did not make any accusations, the girl’s father would be looking for witnesses that could help prove that the betrothed husband had violated the betrothal agreement. If the betrothed husband was found guilty and if he refused to marry the girl, he would be stoned along with the girl, and the bride price would not be returned to the “husband’s” father.

 If the girl’s father failed to convinced the town fathers that the betrothed husband got his daughter pregnant, the young man was not stoned, only the girl. I’m not sure what happened with the bride price in this situation.

This option was risky for the would-be-husband since her father would be trying to prove that he was guilty.

This type of thing had the potential to tear apart a small town or village with people taking sides on the matter.

So his third option was to accept her as his wife.

If a betrothed husband got his betrothed wife pregnant before their wedding, it was a violation of the authority of the girl’s father.

If the betrothed husband decided to marry her, no one would be stoned.

In such a case, the girl’s father had the authority to call off the wedding, but a father would seldom do that because they lived in a culture that placed a huge priority on virginity and she was no longer a virgin. She was no longer desirable in the eyes of a father with a son of marriageable age.

By agreeing to marry her, the betrothed husband was basically admitting to being the father of this “illegitimate baby.” If he was willing to accept the guilt of his act, marry the girl and care for her, the “husband” would have to pay whatever was necessary to satisfy the wrath of her father, which could be a very large sum of money, possibly the bride-price paid all over again, or even more. The young man’s father would not help him pay it; he had to pay it alone. It usually meant that the young man was in debt to his father-in-law and making payments to him as long as the father-in-law was alive.  

How much was a bride price? Ray Vander Laan says that in those days a normal bride-price was often their equivalent to what modern Americans might pay for a house. Obviously, the people in the upper class would pay more for a house and for a bride than those of the lower classes. Another way to measure it is in the number of years needed to save that much money. That is not easy to calculate, but an attempt to do so has brought me to a figure between 10 and 20 years’ worth of wages back them. This penalty by an angry father against a recalcitrant young man could be much more than that.

Therefore the young man could expect to be weighed down with heavy payments to the girl’s father as long as her father lived.

This would put a huge strain on the relationship between this young man and his own father. His father and his family would also suffer irreparable shame because of what had happened. It was understandable if the father disowned his son over something like this.

It would also ruin the young man’s reputation. He would be considered irresponsible and undisciplined by the community; this would likely hurt his business dealings. He would not be able to find work locally and would have to walk to a larger city every day.

In Joseph’s case it would mean lie and take the blame for something he did not do.

He could not bring himself to do this either. He did not want a miserable marriage. He did not want their oldest child to be a constant reminder that their marriage started off on the wrong foot. He did not want to constantly wonder if she might do this to him again. Besides that, he tried to follow the Torah faithfully, therefore he wanted a wife that was pure. This option was also unacceptable to him also.

In summary, when Matthew 1:19 says that “Joseph, being a righteous man and not willing to make her into a disgraceful public show …” we have often taken it to mean that he did not want to see Mary harmed and was trying to protect her. I have come to think that his decision had very little to do with her and was mostly a weighing of the options open to him, none of which were good. I think that statement means two things. First he followed the Torah carefully, meaning he could not marry a woman who had committed sexual immorality with another man while they were engaged. That would condone the wrongdoing. Secondly, the part about not being willing to make a public show of her meant that he did not want to make a big deal into a bigger deal because of a public trial. He could not envision an investigation turning up conclusive evidence about the “other guy’; if the community decided to stone her, there was little he could do to prevent that, short of marrying her, and he did not want to do that; and also, he did not want to actually cast the first stone at Mary’s stoning. Thus, he concluded that divorcing her without making any accusations would be the least costly thing to do.

Then he fell into a fitful sleep during which he had a dream. It was not a normal dream; it was true; it was real. When he woke up the dream was still there in perfect clarity. A messenger from God told him that “The Rebellious One” was telling the truth! She was indeed pregnant by the Spirit of God, not by another man! Therefore he should not be afraid to take her as his wife. The messenger also told him what to name the child – “God Saves.”

This changed everything! He would now accept “The Rebellious One” as his wife and gladly pay whatever fine her father imposed on him. He would be able to trust his wife. He would have a happy marriage. What’s more, God had entrusted the two of them, poor though they were, with a great privilege and responsibility. They would be the parents of the Messiah!

And then another realization struck him – the Messiah was not going to be what all the Israelites had assumed he would be. He would not be a man infused with God’s power. He would be a strange mixture of the divine and the human, maybe half man, half God? But wait, in the Jewish way of thinking, God would not reduce himself to be half of Himself. There could be no such thing as “half God” when talking about the true God. Did that mean the Messiah would be fully God and fully man at the same time? How would that work and what would that look like? There was no name for such a thing because it had never happened before. Yes, he had heard about the demigods of Greek mythology, but they sounded like poorly contrived inventions whereas this was real, and it was happening to him and his betrothed.

He was starting to stress his mind almost to the breaking point, so he told himself he would not be able to figure all this stuff out. He could only trust.

He finally fell back to sleep. This time his sleep was peaceful. Even though he did not sleep long, he woke up at his usual time feeling refreshed and invigorated. 

To navigate to Part 5 of this story click on The Birth of Jesus Part 5 Acceptance.