Strange Story: The Birth of Jesus Part 4 Dilemmas

Things did not go well when “The Rebellious One” told her parents that she was pregnant. Her father did not want to hear any excuses or explanations. He knew what had happened; it didn’t take a special education to figure that out. He fumed and stammered for several minutes while pacing. Finally he found his voice and shouted, “Do you realize the degree of shame you have brought to this household? Do you want to be stoned? What were you thinking? You obviously weren’t thinking. You are just like your name, you are ‘Rebellious.’ But we did not want you to be rebellious against God, only against the Romans. And this trip to visit your cousin, it was only an attempt to avoid the consequences of your actions. Because of one bad choice on your part, my name and yours have been soiled forever!” Then he stormed out of the house and “The Rebellious One” was left alone with her mother.

She decided to see if her mom would be willing to listen to her explanation. “Mamma, please listen to me. I have something important to tell you.”

Her mom replied, “I don’t see any way that an explanation will change anything, but I will listen.”

Then she told her mom about the angel and about her cousin’s miraculous pregnancy and that her own pregnancy was not due to any sexual involvement with any man.

Her mom harrumphed and scowled. She was obviously disappointed. She held up her hand for her daughter to stop. It was her turn as the mother to speak her mind. “My child, if you want to make up excuses, at least make it a good one. How can you expect me to believe that you got pregnant but there was no man involved? Tell me, do you think it is a common thing for God to go around getting girls pregnant? Can you show me one example from our Scriptures of this happening in the past? Your attempt at an explanation makes me even more disappointed in you. We raised you better than this and look what you have done. Look at all the damage you have caused us.”

Then “The Rebellious One” forced herself to tell “The One who Is Increasing” that she was pregnant. As soon as he heard the word “pregnant” his head went down but he did not say anything. As she explained to him about the angel, he took a deep breath, exhaled loudly and closed his eyes, but he said nothing. After she was done there was a long pause, then he motioned with his hand for her to leave. The entire time he had not said one word. His silence hurt her even more than her father’s furious explosion.

Now all she could do was wait for his decision. She knew that without God’s intervention, the chances of getting through this alive were very slim.

How close did “The Rebellious One” come to getting stoned?

The fact that she turned up pregnant meant one of two things in the minds of the people, either she had been promiscuous with another man, or had engaged in sexual intercourse with her betrothed prior to their wedding.

Deuteronomy 22:20-21 says that, if a husband discovered on their wedding night that the girl he married was not a virgin, and if she could not prove her virginity, she would be stoned in front of her parent’s house. (For the issue of proof of virginity see my lesson called Why Did Some Sexual Acts Receive the Death Penalty?

The situation in this specific story involved a betrothed girl who got pregnant, so it was assumed that she had engaged in sexual intercourse with someone, right? Because she was betrothed (engaged to be married), having sex with another man was considered adultery which was punishable by death. If the betrothed husband formally accused her of having sexual relations with another man, and if he could convince the town fathers acting as judges that his accusation was valid, she would be stoned. If the man who got her pregnant could be identified in a way that would convince the town fathers, he would be stoned along with the girl. If the other man could not be identified and if the town fathers were convinced it was not the betrothed husband who got her pregnant, the girl would be stoned by herself – in front of her parent’s house!

However, if the betrothed husband did not make such accusations, she would not be stoned. Whether he took her as his wife or did not accept her as his wife was not the issue; the key was whether or not he made a formal accusation against her to the town fathers.

Most of the time, in situations like this one, she was stoned. So as this situation developed, “The Rebellious One” knew that apart from God’s protection over her and her special baby, she likely would have been stoned. God’s protection took the form of Joseph making a very selfless decision.

The initial reason “The Rebellious One” escaped being stoned was because “the One who Is Increasing” was willing to take the blame for something he didn’t do and live the rest of his life as a debt-riddled bachelor. That decision was soon to change for “someone” convinced him to marry the girl.

(You can read much more about these issues under Troublesome Topics starting with What Made Sexual Sins Wrong? and continuing from there to other related topics.)

What was the Procedure for Stoning Someone?

The procedure for stoning was this: First the charges of wrongdoing and the evidence of the act were brought before the proper leaders of the community, and the opportunity of giving a defense was also granted. Witnesses were called as well, for the law required two or more witnesses. However, some things were so private as to have no eye witnesses thus other evidence was considered. If the city leaders determined the party was guilty, and if the Law called for the consequence to be stoning, then off they all went to make that happen. It was immediate. There was no jail time involved.

To carry out a stoning they would usually take the guilty party to the edge of a cliff, bind him (or her,) throw him over the cliff and then each one who was making the accusation, and those convinced of his guilt, would get one chance to throw a stone. The stone could be of any size, but only one was allowed per person. If the thrower missed, he missed, no second chance was given. If the person being stoned lived through it, he lived; if he died, he died.

In the case of a bride who was found to not be a virgin, she was stoned in front of her father’s house, with the husband being the one to bring the accusation and cast the first stone. Members of the community who were convinced by the evidence also cast stones upon her. The location was intended to bring great shame to the father for not protecting his daughter properly while under his authority. If she lived, she would stay in her father’s house the rest of her life, living in disgrace, with a very unhappy father whom she had caused to suffer unspeakable shame.

Meanwhile “The One who Is Increasing” had some serious thinking to do. He knew what his options were, and he didn’t like any of them.

What Were Joseph’s Options

His first option was to accuse her of sexual misconduct with another man. Because the betrothed man was already called her husband, her sexual deviance was considered adultery, which would result in both the offenders being stoned, if they could determine who the other man was (Dt 22:22). If she had sexual relations with another man, it was a violation of the “husband’s” authority, therefore he and his father would be in charge of finding evidence to prove it was another man, and present that evidence to the town fathers. If they could lay hands on the girl when she was not guarded by her father, they would likely use any means possible (think torture) to get the truth from her. Then her betrothed husband, acting as the accuser and first witness, would be the first one to throw a stone at each of them. In this scenario, the girl’s father would be seen as the one to violate the betrothal agreement because he did not protect her from other men, therefore, the bride price would have to be returned to the betrothed husband’s father who could use it to secure a different wife for his son.

But if they could not find out who the man was, the community would still stone the girl – in front of her parents’ house in order to show that the father had not done a good job of training and protecting his daughter (Dt 22:20-21). No one could remove the pile of stones from in front of the parents’ house without becoming defiled by proximity to a dead body.

The preference of the girl’s father would be to prove that it was the betrothed husband who had gotten her pregnant and convince him to follow through with marrying her. If he could prove this, he would not have to return the bride price and his daughter would not be stone. He would suffer some shame, but the betrothed husband would suffer more. Therefore he would be looking for evidence of this very thing which would be convincing to the city fathers. Thus two investigations would be going on simultaneously if the betrothed husband accused her of having sex with another man.

But “The One who Is Increasing” had no stomach for this. He never dreamed that “The Rebellious One” would actually be that rebellious and do such a thing. She had never shown any hints of being that kind of girl. There had always been something special about her, or so he thought. He did not want to see her killed and he definitely did not want to take the lead in making that happen. Plus he had no “evidence” he could present of another man in the picture. So he put that option out of his mind as totally unacceptable.

His other two options did not involve making a formal accusation against her. By not making such an accusation, everyone would assume he was the father of this child.

If a betrothed husband got his betrothed wife pregnant before their wedding, the punishment was not explained clearly in the Torah. It became a set of choices involving the two men that shared authority over her, her father and her “husband.” Sex before marriage on the part of the betrothed was a violation of the authority of the girl’s father. Therefore, the silence of the Torah on this point was intended to allow the girl’s father to decide what he wanted done.

The girl’s father had the authority to call off the wedding, but a father would seldom do that because it would be very hard for him to find another husband for his “tainted” daughter.

However, the outcome depended in part on the decision of the betrothed “husband.”

If he was willing to accept the guilt of his act, marry the girl and care for her, the “husband” would have to pay whatever was necessary to satisfy the wrath of her father, and he would be considered irresponsible and undisciplined by the community, which would likely hurt his business dealings.

So his second option was to accept her as his wife, and, by so doing, admit to being the father of this “illegitimate baby.” In his case it meant lie and take the blame.

He could not bring himself to do this either. He did not want a miserable marriage. He did not want their oldest child to be a constant reminder that their marriage started off on the wrong foot. He did not want to constantly wonder if she might do this to him again. Besides that, he tried to follow the Torah faithfully, therefore he wanted a wife that was pure. This option was also unacceptable to him also.

His third option was to divorce her “quietly” meaning without public accusations or formal charges. Divorcing her quietly was a way for “The One who Is Increasing” to abdicate his authority, meaning that she was now totally under the authority of her father once again. It would be assumed that the young man’s silence in the matter meant that he had gotten her pregnant. It would be seen as trying to back out of the planned marriage after having sexual relations with the girl before the wedding.

As a consequence he would have to pay whatever the father demanded. He was literally at her father’s mercy, and yet no mercy could be expected. The father could not have the young man killed, but he could make his life miserable for as long as he (the girl’s father) lived. In this situation the amount the girl’s father demanded would be much greater than if the young man agreed to marry her. This fine could be much greater than the amount of the original bride price paid by the young man’s father, possibly double that amount.

Therefore the young man could expect to be weighed down with heavy payments to the girl’s father as long as her father lived.

This would also put a huge strain on the relationship between this young man and his own father. His father had already paid the bride-price at the time of betrothal, so that money was lost. And for what? A few moments of pleasure? All because his son was impatient and could not control himself? His father and his family would also suffer irreparable shame because of what had happened. It was understandable if the father disowned his son over something like this.

It would also ruin his reputation. He would not be able to find work locally and would have to walk to a larger city every day.

To make matters worse, he would not easily find another man to offer his daughter to him in marriage. What father would trust him to keep his clothes on since he has already violated one betrothal agreement?

 Therefore he would probably live the rest of his life as a bachelor, and have no children. They could not refuse him an inheritance, except by applying the death penalty which did not fit this situation. But, if he could not find a wife, he could have no children and when he died his land would go to his brothers and their children.

As for the girl, she would live with her mom and dad the rest of their lives and with a brother after that. There was no hope of her father finding another husband for her. Because she had caused them great shame, she would be treated much like a slave.

“The One who Is Increasing” was a righteous, upright, Torah-follower. He could not marry a woman who had committed sexual immorality with another man while they were engaged. Yet he did not want to see her stoned, nor was he willing to actually cast the first stone. So he concluded that divorcing her without making any accusations would be the best thing to do even though the price for that decision was extremely high.

“The Rebellious One” would escape being stoned only because “the One who Is Increasing” was willing to take the blame for something he didn’t do and live the rest of his life as a debt-riddled bachelor. This meant he would never increase, never move ahead in life. No one would know his name or care about who he was. His entire life was now ruined. His name would mock him the rest of his days.

By the time he had finally made up his mind it was the middle of the night. He would tell her what he had decided in the morning. The look of relief and thankfulness in her eyes would be the only positive outcome and it would have to be enough to carry him for the rest of his life.

Then he fell into a fitful sleep during which he had a dream. It was not a normal dream; it was true; it was real. When he woke up the dream was still there in perfect clarity. A messenger from God told him that “The Rebellious One” was telling the truth! She was indeed pregnant by the Spirit of God, not by another man! Therefore he should not be afraid to take her as his wife. The messenger also told him what to name the child – “God Saves.”

This changed everything! He would now accept “The Rebellious One” as his wife and gladly pay whatever fine her father imposed on him. He would be able to trust his wife. He would have a happy marriage. What’s more, God had entrusted the two of them, poor though they were, with a great privilege and responsibility. They would be the parents of the Messiah!

And then another realization struck him – the Messiah was not going to be what all the Israelites had assumed he would be. He would not be a man infused with God’s power. He would be a strange mixture of the divine and the human, maybe half man, half God? But wait, in the Jewish way of thinking, God would not reduce himself to be half of Himself. There could be no such thing as “half God” when talking about the true God. Did that mean the Messiah would be fully God and fully man at the same time? How would that work and what would that look like? There was no name for such a thing because it had never happened before. Yes, he had heard about the demigods of Greek mythology, but they sounded like poorly contrived inventions whereas this was real, and it was happening to him and his betrothed.

He was starting to stress his mind almost to the breaking point, so he told himself he would not be able to figure all this stuff out. He could only trust.

He finally fell back to sleep. This time his sleep was peaceful. Even though he did not sleep long, he woke up at his usual time feeling refreshed and invigorated. 

To navigate to Part 5 of this story click on The Birth of Jesus Part 5 Acceptance.