Strange Story: I Samuel 21 David Feigns Insanity

In I Sam 21:10-14 we read how David fled to Gath to get away from Saul. Gath was in Philistine country under the control of King Achish. In the title of Psalm 34 this king is called Abimelech. Abimelech, which means, “my father is king” could have been a title that many Philistine kings used, or just an alternate name, as we see in other instances in Scripture. David went to King Achish in a friendly manner, but the king’s men did not trust David because they had heard about his military exploits. It would appear from Ps 56 that, before David could have an audience with king Achish (Abimelech), he was taken prisoner and was in prison long enough to compose Psalm 56 in his head (and write it down later).

By the time David was given an audience (or trial) before king Achish, he had surmised that the king’s advisors were going to present a strong case against him being there at all, and it appears that David feared for his very life. Therefore, his sole purpose was to get out of there alive.

As he went in to see the king, he feigned insanity and “he made marking on the doors of the entrance, and let his saliva fall down on his beard.” What did he make marks with? Did he have a sharpy in the pocket of his jeans? Did he have a ball point pen or mechanical pencil in the pocket of his dress shirt? It is obvious he had none of these things; he had no writing utensil with him; the only ones to carry such things might have been the scribes.

In the context of that culture there are two things I can think of that he could have marked or scribbled with on the large doors of the entrance of the king’s official chamber. One is coals from a fire. But since he was their captive, they surely would not have let him get close to a fire, or he might try to set the place on fire.

The only other option I can think of is that he used excrement, either human or animal.

Where would he have gotten excrement?

Option 1 – while they were waiting before the closed door of the king’s chamber for permission to enter, David quickly squatted down, pooped on the floor, took some of it in his fingers and smeared it on the ornate doors.

Option 2 – there were animals running in and out and one had left a present right in front of the king’s chamber door. This is not totally impossible, for even in many foreign countries today, the doors to a house or other building are left open to allow cool air to come in. In Central America, where I grew up, it is common to have dogs fighting around your feet and under the crude benches while you are in a church service. Shop keepers are constantly chasing the dogs out of their shops, and women chase them out of their kitchens. Granted, this is more common in the country than in the city, and more prevalent among the poor than the rich. But it is within the realm of possibility that a stray dog or other animal had managed to get into the king’s palace and drop a gift just where David would need it. David saw it and before the guards could stop him, he bent down, grabbed some and smeared it on the large doors while they were waiting for the doors to be opened.

Option 3 – When David heard the guards coming for him, he either grabbed some animal droppings, or pooped on the floor and grabbed some of it before the guards arrived for him. His captors may have joked as they hauled him away about how badly he smelled, never dreaming what he would do with what he had in his closed hand. Then when they got to the big doors of the king’s audience chamber and waited for them to open, or as he walked past them, he smeared the excrement on the fancy doors.

Personally, I think Option #1 has the most credibility. As David was being dragged to the king’s chambers, he was racking his brain for what he could do to get out of this situation. He had a reputation for being an amazing fighter and was likely to be seen as a threat to the king. Things usually did not end well for people like him who were captured and then taken to the king. So he had to do something drastic, and he had to do it fast. As they approached the closed doors of the king’s chamber an idea struck David like a ton of manure. He prepared the muscles controlling his excretory system so he could do what he needed to do quickly. He pretended to collapse. Since we know that he scribbled on the doors, we can assume that his hands were bound in front of him, not behind him. He pushed his tunic out of the way and quickly pooped on the floor and scooped some up in his hand. The guards reacted by yelling at him and reaching for his arms to lift him up, but not before he had some of the fowl stuff in one of his hands. Now they were lifting him up by his arms. “OK, sure. Thanks for the help. Now I want my arms raised up right toward the gold-plated seal on the fancy doors.” Before the guards knew what was going on, David had smeared some of the stuff on the seal of the door. Now they really yelled at him and beat him, but he kept trying to smear the door. Just then the doors opened to the kerfuffle between David and the guards. The king demanded to know that was going on, so they told him and showed him the door.

More than anything else, this convinced the king that David was a madman. Drooling into one’s beard is not convincing enough by itself. Even scribbling or marking on doors with something else, such as charcoal, would not bring a strong reaction. But smearing poop on a set of doors that were possibly covered with gold or silver was beyond the pale! When we image it happening in the way I have described above, it is easy to see why the only thing King Achish was interested in was getting David as far away from him as possible, which is exactly what David wanted.

Psalm 34 is David’s expression of gratitude and praise for God’s help in getting him out of that tough situation, albeit through some unusual means. But they worked!