Troublesome Topic: Where Do the Words of Jesus Leave People Who Have Been Divorced and Remarried?

Those who are divorced and remarried should throw themselves on the mercies of God.

But there is good news here because God is merciful!!!

He has shown Himself merciful many times in the past.

Think of David who took another man’s wife, had the husband killed, later repented, and was allowed to keep her as a wife and God chose one of her sons as the next king.

Also think of Aaron, who led the people into idolatry, repented, was not given the death penalty, and was even allowed to remain in his position of high priest.

I believe that the following prayer would be beneficial for someone who has been divorced and is remarried: “Oh God, I know I have gotten myself into a mess and I have made myself ‘unclean.’ So I throw myself on your mercies. Help me live according to your principles even in this situation I have created.”

Stay as you are because following remarriage with another divorce would harm any children involved in the second marriage. For that reason, such a choice is not advisable.

What if there are no children involved?

Should a remarried person get a divorce?

No. I do not recommend separating.

Based on what?

There is nothing clear about this in Scripture. I base my answer on 1) the merciful nature of God, and 2) the various examples in Scripture of God showing mercy.

All of us have gotten ourselves upside down at times.

All of us have made a mess of our lives, just in different ways.

All of us deserve God’s punishment and all of us can be recipients of His mercy and grace if we seek Him. We all receive some of God’s mercy and grace regardless of our choices, but in order to receive all of God’s mercy and grace we need to choose to follow Him and then do so sincerely and with all we have.

Living in a remarried state is to live in a constant state of spiritual uncleanness. However, many believers live in a constantly unclean state due to: lust, anger, gossip, our viewing habits for TV, movies and the internet, immodest clothing, criticizing others, a lack of love, etc., etc. God wants to free us from that list of things so they no longer characterize our lives. With divorce and remarriage, it is obviously better if a person can avoid both of those things altogether. But once someone is remarried, I don’t think God wants them to follow that with another separation. If someone is divorced but not remarried, the biblical model seems to be to remain unmarried, but few people are willing to live the rest of the lives alone. This issue is a complicated one because God placed within us a desire to share our lives with one someone (or with others plural, if you include children). God wants us to accomplish these things in a certain way; once we get upside down, there is no easy way to make it all right again. That is why I say the best thing is to make a commitment to one marriage for life, and if that marriage gets town apart, we can rely on the mercy of God.

Why do I call it unclean if Jesus called it adultery? 

Deuteronomy 24:4 calls the condition unclean, and neither divorce nor remarriage were punished by the death penalty, to the best of my knowledge. However, Jesus was pointing out that what they were doing by easily going from one wife to another was not according to the law but rather was another form of adultery.

Consider the woman caught in adultery in John 8:1-11. Jesus told her, “Neither do I condemn you” (Jn 8:11). He was the only one with the moral authority to throw the first stone, but he chose not to. He chose mercy.

God does not always condemn, rather He seeks opportunities to show mercy. He chooses to show mercy if we repent. But Jesus also told the woman, “Go and sin no more.”

What aspect of remarriage is wrong?

Is it leaving the first spouse?

Is it clinging to another spouse?

Is it the repetition of sexual intercourse with the second spouse?

I don’t know because it is not made clear.

What was Jesus condemning directly?

He was addressing the practice of some in Israel at that time who used divorce as a way to have sex “legally” with a new partner. Jesus said that God does not buy the ruse. It is still adultery.

What about divorce for other reasons?

Jesus upheld a strict interpretation of Dt 24:4. Therefore, only one very narrowly defined cause for divorce was allowed.

Spiritual uncleanness is something we should be concerned about even today. It is not something we should brush off as unimportant. But neither is the uncleanness caused by remarriage something unique.

Remember that only God can sort out who goes to heaven. Don’t try to play God and determine who gets in based on the things we can see with our eyes. God sees the heart, we can only get partial glimpses of the heart.

God told Peter, “Something I have made pure, don’t call it unclean.” Does this apply to a remarried believer today? I don’t know.

This is a sticky issue and some of our questions are not answered in Scripture.

We can be sure of three things:

God sees divorce and remarriage as serious problems

We should not follow the world’s attitudes

God is a merciful God.

God is known for bringing good out of bad situations.

In the Old Testament Law, God allowed divorce because of how far off they were from His plan, but He limited it. We likewise are far from God’s plan.

We should also strive to limit divorce by teaching that it is not God’s plan, it brings negative consequences and remarriage brings the consequence of continual uncleanness.

God is merciful, but it would be far better to avoid divorce and remarriage in the first place. We should stop being like the world and stop taking divorce and remarriage lightly.

Think of the woman who had an issue of blood for 12 years (Mk 5, Lk 8, Mt 9). She had been in a state of perpetual uncleanness for 12 years. She touched Jesus making Him unclean in the eyes of fellow Jews. But Jesus did not reject her, He welcomed her and healed her.

Jesus also touched lepers!

Jesus cared about being clean, but He cared more about people!

In order to minster to people, Jesus needed to get close to people who were messed up in many ways; He is willing to get close to us as well even when we are upside down from where we ought to be.

What is the intended message?

The intended message is NOT “you made a mess, you are a bad person;”

The intended message is “God is merciful and full of grace.” He does not give us the punishment we deserve, but gives us many good things we don’t deserve instead.

Definitions:

Mercy: God does not give us the punishment we deserve.

Grace: God gives us many good things we don’t deserve.

In the past, the church focused on the rules but missed the mercy and grace.

Today many churches are all about being permissive, but ignore the teaching of the Bible.

We should seek a balance. We must keep the teaching of the Bible while highlighting God’s compassionate nature.

Beware of Satan’s tricks and don’t listen to Satan’s voice. Satan wants to use the pain of your divorce as a club with which to bludgeon you. Therefore, I highly recommend that anyone who has gone through a divorce read all of my topical study called “DON’T HELP SATAN OUT BY BEATING UP ON YOURSELF.” Here is the link to the lesson specifically about pain: Satan Uses Our Pain against Us.

The next lesson is: Stay As You Are