Troublesome Topic: Solomon and Shuly

Solomon heard how his father, David, had taken great efforts to woo his mother Bathsheba and obtain her forgiveness. It took time, but she eventually forgave him and became more than just a dutifully wife; she became David’s favorite wife.

Bathsheba taught Solomon about what a marriage relationship could be. She taught him he should look for someone who was intelligent, not just beautiful. He should look for a wife that would be a good partner, not just a baby factory. She emphasized teamwork. If he did not become the king, it would be important for him to have a wife who was a good manager of the homestead so that he could be a leader in his local community. If he did become the king, he would still want a woman who was good at managing and training the children because he would be very busy leading a nation. These teachings stuck with Solomon and he eventually wrote them down in what we know as Proverbs 31.

Growing up in the palace Solomon was around beautiful women quite often, but he caught on to the games they played. He realized that the daughters of nobility are often shallow and usually self-centered. He longed for a wife with whom he could carry on an intelligent conversation.

Then at some point Solomon met the Shulammite. We are not given her real name. The Shulammite was a nickname that Solomon gave her just as many men gave their wives nicknames even back then. I will sometimes refer to her as Shuly, not because they would have done it that way, but because it sounds more like a name to us. Constantly referring to her as “the Shulammite” feels impersonal to our ears even though in their culture it expressed intimacy.

We know from Song of Solomon chapter 1 that she was from the working class, most likely relatively poor. The role she describes herself being forced to fulfill would not fit with the way middle class people lived. It appears they could not afford to pay any servants or hired hands. She was darkened by the sun. Being suntanned was not a desirable thing back then for a woman. The women of noblility would have laughed at her. Others could not understand what Solomon saw in her.

My opinion is that they did not meet at the very beginning of his reign, but neither was it extremely late in his reign. That would place their meeting after the temple was fully built but before his palace was completed.

Here was the woman that truly captivated him. Here was someone who met his definition of a true wife. She was a partner; she made him better by her teamwork. Their relationship was unlike anything anyone had known in that culture.

 In this way, Solomon was way ahead of his time. He redefined marriage as a partnership. While he was the head of the household, he gave her much more of a role than was customary. He saw their relationship as a two-way street; they each contributed equally to the marriage. Each one was valued on the same level.

As I envision it, here are some of the things he liked about her:

She was not haughty, demanding, self-important or artificial the way the daughters or nobility or royalty tended to be. We can assume that she was beautiful, but I also think she was intelligent. Unlike the women of royal birth, she was willing to listen to Solomon talk about his many areas of interest, including science, architecture, and inventions. Although she was likely uneducated, I picture her as a fast learner. Some would argue that men did not converse with women on such topics, to which I would respond saying, “you are right, but this was no ordinary relationship and Solomon did not care about fitting in with the social norms, or he would not have gotten involved with her in the first place.” I admit that the part about her intelligence is speculation, but there were many qualities about her that attracted him, and in my mind it had to be more than her physical beauty, for he was surrounded by beautiful women all the time. For the first time in his life he began to establish a relationship with a woman based on personal attraction, emotion and love, rather than on financial or political considerations.

Since he was the king, I don’t think their courtship lasted very long. They got to know each other quickly and Solomon recognized right away that she was the kind of wife he had been looking for all along. Once he made up his mind, it was only a matter of coming to an agreement with her father (or oldest brother if her father was already gone). I envision him giving a much higher bride price than her family would have expected.

I imagine that they had a relatively simple wedding considering what he could have spent on it. He did everything else in big ways but not this. He wanted this wedding to be personal, quiet, intimate, and meaningful. He didn’t care about social norms in these matters, so they planned this wedding the way they both wanted it, not the way others would have suggested had he given them the chance. Besides that, she was self-conscious about her background and her tanned skin. She did not want a prominent role.

After their wedding He gave her the nickname he had chosen early in their courtship. He chose it because she had a similar disposition and similar priorities to his own. He called her a feminine version of his own name. Both Solomon and Shulammite mean “peaceful or wholesome.”

The next lesson is: Solomon’s Many Wives