Troublesome Topic: HOW DOES HE ENCOURAGE HER? SONG OF SOLOMON CH 6 & CH 2
Lesson 6 of 10Song of Solomon 6:5
Translation
Turn your eyes from me;
they overwhelm me.
Go to footnote numberYour hair is like
a flock of goats
descending from Mount GILEAD.
Go to footnote numberParaphrase
You know almost everything there is to know about me;
such vulnerability frightens me.
The most ordinary part of you is as important as any aspect of our livelihood, it is a
fruitful and beautiful WITNESS.
Your Hair Is Like a Flock of Goats
This statement is found in Song of Solomon 4:1c and 6:5b.
This is a simple, yet powerful truth that a wife needs to hear from her husband often—that he cherishes and treasures every part of who she is, even the ordinary, small or insignificant things. If he shows appreciation for every aspect of who she is, she will have no reason to be insecure in the relationship. As men we tend to think we shouldn’t need to reassure her so often, but we are wrong. An extreme example would be a man who thinks or says this: “I told ya when we married that I was committed to ya, if anything changes, I’ll let ya know.” We may not be that extreme, but we often fail to realize that our wives need constant reassurance that the relationship is strong. This Solomon guy was smarter than we thought! He not only told her that the small things were important to him, but that they were just as important as any of the big stuff associated with his role as provider, as important as their very livelihood.
The other side of the coin, guys, is this: we can’t just say it, we need to show it. In the end, it accomplishes nothing for a man to tell his wife that everything about her is more important that the big stuff in his life, if he spends all his time working and is never home. His natural tendency is to focus on his role of providing. She is seeking security on many levels, financial security is only one of them, and there are things that she needs far more than money. Most women do not want financial security at the expense of all their other needs. I cannot count how many times I have counseled with couples in marital crisis and one of the “big ones” for the wife is that hubby is “never home.” I understand that making a living is tough, and I understand a man’s desire to do all he can to provide, but husbands need to realize that the complex and challenging role God has given us includes tasks and responsibilities in several areas, not just putting food on the table and paying the bills. For some guys working long hours is an avoidance mechanism; they say to themselves, “I’m not very good at providing emotional stability, or being a listening ear, or providing comfort and encouragement, but I know how to work, so I’ll just focus on working.” That may be true, but we need to be willing to learn and grow in the aspects of marriage in which we are weak.
O frustrated and lonely wife, give your husband room to grow in the areas that are new, strange or uncomfortable for him. Praise his small efforts to improve, and thank him when he sets other things aside to just be there with you.
Song of Solomon 2:14
Translation
THE PEACEFUL MAN TO THE PEACEFUL WOMAN
My dove
Go to footnote numberin the clefts of the rocky cliffs,
Go to footnote numberin the secret hiding places
Go to footnote numberof the steep, inaccessible places,
Go to footnote numbershow me your face,
Go to footnote numberlet me hear your voice;
Go to footnote numberfor your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.
Paraphrase
THE COMPLETE MAN TO THE COMPLETE WOMAN
My gentle one seeking security and safety, desiring a sense of confidence by finding a place of impenetrable protection, show me who you really are,
let me see deep down inside you,
for what is deep within you is pleasing; I find the real you lovely.
My Dove, Your Face Is Lovely
He starts out addressing her need for security, which is one of the most basic needs a woman has, but then he seems to change gears. At first glance it is not obvious why he brings in the part about what is deep within her. But it turns out to be a very powerful point. He is saying to her, in essence: “I hear your need for security, but listen to me, I love you for who you are deep down inside. I see more than just the outside. As the years pass and you no longer look like you did when you were twenty, don’t be concerned about that because I love what is on the inside even more than what is on the outside. You can rest secure in our relationship. I will be that place of strength and security you need. You have nothing to worry about, because I’m not going anywhere! I will always be here for you!”
Wow! That is language a woman can understand! That is just about the best thing she could ever hear! And not enough women hear it from their husbands.
The Song teaches us that marriage is more than making babies; it is a union of two souls; it is communion on the deepest level. For that to take place there must be vulnerability and trust. Contrary to what our emotions tell us, the safety and security that we seek is often found in making ourselves vulnerable to someone who loves us, not in building walls of self-protection.
The next lesson is: How Does She Encourage Him? Song of Solomon ch 2 & ch 8
Footnotes
1: “they overwhelm me”
The word used here is a strong word meaning “to overcome.” It also means things like, “to act proudly or boisterously, to confuse, to capture, to be stormy, or to frighten.”
Implications for marriage: Even in healthy marriages there is an uneasiness about vulnerability. Men especially feel uncomfortable about being what they might consider too vulnerable. If you are a wife, don’t push your husband to be more vulnerable, don’t dig deeper when he puts on the brakes, rather win his confidence and trust by never misusing the information you know about him. When you have won a deeper level of his trust, he will be more willing to open up to you a little more and peal back the next layer of his soul.
2
The text only says “Gilead,” which could refer either to the region of Gilead, or the mountains of Gilead, and there is much overlap between the two. The mention of “descending” informs the reader that “mount Gilead” is the intended meaning. Gilead means “witness.” In this case it is a witness or testimony to who she is.
3
A dove is gentle.
4
The clefts of the rocky cliffs are places of protection and safety. Also, the word for “clefts” sometimes means the “roosting place” of the turtledoves, and he just called her his dove.
5
“Secret hiding places” likewise are places of protection.
6
“Steep, inaccessible places” are usually on mountains, and mountains symbolize strength. The main characteristic of the steep places is that it is secluded, and protected since it is so hard to reach.
7
The face demonstrates your disposition and also what is deep down inside you; in Scripture, God’s face can be a sign of grace and favor, or one of judgment. No one can see God’s face and live because we are not capable of seeing all that God is. Turning one’s face toward someone means giving that person your attention. There is also the idea of one’s presence in the use of this word. In Song of Solomon there is no concept of judgment in the use of the word “face.”
8: “your Voice”
In the Bible we read of God’s voice thundering judgment, or of being an imperceptible whisper. The voice is similar to the face in that it is the expression of who a person is, it reveals what is deep inside a person. In this way it is similar to the “Word” of the New Testament, which is the manifestation of who God is. The voice and the word both give us insight into the real person.