Troublesome Topic: Guidance in Choosing a Mate

Here is one of the biggest of them all. When we are seeking whom to marry, we want His guidance in the search for a life-long mate because we want to make sure we get just the “right one,” the one person God has picked out for us. That is the way many American believers think because that is typically how we have been taught to think. However, that is flawed thinking.

I no longer believe that business about God having one person pre-selected for you to marry. That puts incredible pressure on young people to find that “right person,” and leaves many wondering if they chose correctly. When difficulties come into the relationship it is easy for Satan to sow seeds of doubt by asking, “Are you sure you chose the right one?”

I am convinced God wants us to choose as wisely as we can, and then apply biblical principles that will make our marriage healthy and strong. He wants us to use our marriage to point to Him, and show others an example of what a God-centered marriage looks like. These principles will work for any couple that decides to apply them. The idea that God has just one person pre-selected for each of us implies that it is not about living by biblical principles, but about choosing the “right person.”

We should not be unequally yoked, meaning that a follower of Jesus should not knowingly marry someone who does not follow Jesus. That is one of the obvious biblical principles about choosing a mate. Most of the other biblical principles about marriage are for after the marriage relationship has been established.

I don’t have trouble with people who say they were led by God to a specific person and that the way He brought them together was obviously something only He could do. On a personal level they feel there was just one option for them and that option was pre-selected by God.

The problem comes, as I see it, when we begin to force that thinking on others, claiming that everyone should have a similar experience.

The next lesson is: Learning to Manage