Troublesome Topic: A Summary of the Biblical Roles of Men and Women

THE KEY ROLES OF A MAN

God has charged men with at least five key roles. The husband and father should be:

1. The High Priest of his home

2. The first of two Prophets in his home

3. The first of two Pedagogues (Coaches and Trainers) for his home

4. The first of two Protectors of his home

5. The Pilot (visionary leader and way-finder) for his home

6. The Player/Captain of the team

7. The first of two Providers for his home

8. The final Praetor (Judge) of his home

9. One of two mature Poets in his home

10. A Paladin (warrior) who champions great causes

That is quite a list of roles for the man to fill. Today, if we focus on any of these it is on the man as a provider and we ignore most of the rest. If a man is to be a good provider for his family, he must do so in ways that are honest and upright, and he must balance the providing aspect of his role with the other aspects of it. In fact, if he is a good provider but never spends time with his family, his focus on providing will be resented by his family, not appreciated.       

If a man is to be the priest of his home, he must know the Bible better than anyone in his household, and must be closer to God than anyone in his household. If he is not there yet he should be striving to get there. What I just said is the ideal situation. However, it is possible for a man to lead his home well even if his wife knows the Bible better than he does. The important thing is that he be headed in the right direction. He can do this by enjoying quality chunks of time in God’s word and in prayer, by obeying what he learns from God’s word, and by doing his absolute best to fulfill all the roles God has assigned to him. It’s about effort and direction, not about perfect fulfillment in every aspect.

The father should also be the Pedagogue (coach and trainer) for his sons, showing them what it means to be a man of God. He will also be the one who teaches his daughters about boys! His wife should be the primary trainer for their daughters, showing them how to be a woman of God. Together they teach all the biblical principles that the Bible teaches.

If a man is to be the protector of his home, he must learn to use his strength for others not for himself. He must protect his family from spiritual and emotional dangers, not just physical dangers. Decisions about such things as how and where to educate the children, which influences to allow into the home, etc. should be made with this idea of spiritual and emotional protection in mind.

To be the judge of his home a father needs to keep the peace by making decisions when conflicts in relationships occur. In order to fulfill his role as judge a father needs to be well connected to what is going on. If he is gone “all the time” he cannot do a good job at fulfilling this role because he will not be close enough to the situation to fully understand it. Mom can and should help him keep the peace in various ways, but she should never work to disrupt the peace.

By saying that a man should be the poet of his home, it means that he should not be totally out of touch with the emotional aspects of the home. He does not need to get emotional in the same way his wife does, but he should understand emotions well and guide his family through the emotional times of life. He should also be an example of how to express all the emotions in an appropriate way. Think of David. He was the greatest poet in the Bible, but no one would have thought to walk up to him and accuse him of not being a “real man.” David was the ultimate warrior-poet. As such he is a good example to us of how to be strong and also how to express the entire range of human emotions. A husband and father does have to actually write poetry, but he needs to understand the emotional issues of his home and be able to deal with them wisely; ignoring them is not the answer.

THE KEY ROLES OF A WOMAN

Here are the roles that God has given to a wife and mother:

1.  To respect her husband

2. To support her husband in the fulfillment of his roles as outlined above

3. To help teach and train the next generation

4.  To nurture her husband and children in all the invisible, imperceptible, yet important ways that God has equipped her for.

Supporting her husband means that she is a team player; she is his biggest cheer leader; she provides an atmosphere of support and encouragement in the home. The book of Genesis calls Eve Adam’s “helper, support and rescuer.” That does not sound very important, until you realize that several times in Scripture, this word is used of God. He is not only our helper in ordinary ways, He is also the one who comes to our rescue. God has “rescued” me several times, and, come to think of it, my wife has saved my bacon several times too. This is not a demeaning role. It is not like some forms of manual labor where the “helper” who does the hard work and gets paid less for doing it. A wife’s work is important; she has great influence in her husband’s life and in that of their children. Her work is just different than his.

The nurturing and teaching of the next generation is a calling of the highest order. What can be more important than that? This does not mean that a wife and mother can never earn an income, but it does mean that her God-given roles must come first. There is some flexibility as to  how a family makes these things happen, as long as the key principles are not violated. I address this issue in the lesson called CAN A CHRISTIAN MOTHER WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME?

The next lesson is: The Foundations for the Two Major Views on the Authority of Men and Women